3 Steps on How to Survive an Affair

Saving a marriage after an affair or infidelity might seem impossible or even hopeless. You can restore trust and honesty back into your relationship even if your partner does not seem willing or even ready. You can work through the restoration and reconciliation process of your relationship after an affair and I will give you three easy steps on how to survive an affair and get your relationship back on track.


Step 1 – Personal Healing – You have to look at the reasons for why the affair or infidelity happened. Our first instincts are to be defensive and start laying blame or making excuses to the external factors. “Externalizing” is when the cause of the affair is blamed on the external reasons rather then inside ourselves. We look for possible reasons such as emotional issues that are happening TO us and not what we are going through within ourselves. This first step is all about you and looking inside yourself after an affair. Personal healing begins only when you can subjectively look at yourself and identify what is going on with YOU… not your partner. Be honest with yourself and analyze your own thoughts and emotions concerning the affair. Take your own perspectives from the inside and allow yourself to be brutally honest with yourself. This step is important in helping you take an honest look at the situation and what is going on with you. This helps with building the foundation for coping and overcoming your issues and feelings. This is the first step on how to survive an affair and mend your relationship back together with your partner. Step 2 – Heal Together - Once you have managed to complete the very difficult task of looking deep into yourself… this step is how to survive an affair once you move from personal healing… to healing as a couple. Look at how you and your partner work together and function in the relationship. This step is of vital importance because it forces the communication process that is going to be damaged and strained after an affair. If you can’t communicate, then you cannot expect to heal together. You have to begin communicating together in order to build the relationship back together into a more deeper, stronger, and more loving relationship. In many cases after an affair the relationship can possibly be stronger then even before. I know it sounds cliche, but the honest to God truth is that communication really IS the key! Step 3 – Negotiate A New Relationship - Knowing how to survive an affair consists of knowing how to rebuild a new relationship that is filled with trust. When you learn how to speak to one another again and open the communication lines so that you can both begin healing as a couple and move on to building this new stronger and healthier relationship, you will begin exposing yourself and becoming transparent so to speak. This means ultimately that your partner and you can negotiate a new relationship built on trust and forgiveness of the past. You must allocate time to be spent with each other and dedicate the long process and time that this step will involve.
These steps are for couples that truly wish to heal and reconcile their relationships. But for those that simply cannot move on past the devastation and pain an affair can cause, there is a little more help. You can find a resource on helping you build a stronger relationship with your partner even if you were the one that had the affair. In some cases, the one that has been devastated by the situation has chosen to throw in the towel and are simply not interested in trying to come terms with the affair, or even resolve the problem.


People who truly love, look forward to their “love” being returned and growing to a state of deep happiness. We crave to be loved and hope for our relationships to grow with meaningful deep passion. Love does not mean we are “blind” though or ignoring the problems within our relationships. It simply means that for those that are willing to look beyond the issues and problems that may arise in any relationship, we simply do not allow our problems to rob us of our happiness.


Most couples can find that they are capable of working through any issue and problem with enough love for their partner.

Tags: , ,