Getting Over Infidelity in Marriages: Why Having an Affair Is Not the End

Infidelity in marriages is one of the worst forms of betrayal. Sadly, couples often can’t figure out the difficult task of getting over infidelity, thus it is one of the leading reasons for divorce all over the world.


Let’s take a look at why infidelity surviving seems so impossible. Marriage is designed to be the sacred union of two people vowing to love, cherish, honor and respect each other for the rest of their lives. It is one of the most difficult things to overcome when a husband or wife decides to break that promise with the deceit, dishonor and careless disregard that come with infidelity in marriage.


Emotional Cheating and Infidelity in Marriages


There is much that can be done to save a marriage from infidelity, and even to save the marriage after an affair. Starting with the former, it’s important to define infidelity in a way that both partners understand.


Infidelity in marriages is not limited to what happens when a spouse has a physical relationship with someone else. It often comes in forms that appear much more innocent. In order for marriage to work, two people must maintain their commitment both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, this is not the case for the millions of people who engage in emotional cheating.


Emotional cheating is what happens when a spouse begins to share parts of his or her life and become emotionally intimate with someone outside of the marriage. Because it is much easier to hide, infidelity in marriages often starts with this form of cheating. It may be so subtle that a person can even fool their self into believing they are doing nothing wrong.


Some examples of emotional cheating are: Complaining about your spouse to someone you’re attracted to, staying after work to engage in flirty moments with a co-worker, telling your sexual fantasies to someone online, secretly getting to know someone you just met. There are so many examples, but the basic premise is that you begin to share with someone a connection that you wouldn’t quite want your spouse to know about. If the emotional cheating goes on, it may result in taking things to the next level: a husband or wife having an affair.


Getting Over Infidelity in Marriages


On one hand, having an affair is easier than it’s ever been in history. Work and other obligations cause couples to spend more time a part, which may create time, opportunity and temptation for a marriage affair. With all of the technology available, there’s also email, chat rooms, and mobile phones around to make cheating easier. Nonetheless, the prevalence of opportunities is not a justification; and it doesn’t change the immense difficulty of getting over infidelity in marriages.


So, is infidelity surviving really possible? Is there hope after getting caught having an affair or after finding out about your husband/wife having an affair? Absolutely!


Physical and emotional cheating are devastating obstacles for marriage, but they are not undefeatable. Before you give up, try these 3 tips to save the marriage.


How to Save Marriage After an Affair


1. The first thing to do after an affair is to talk honestly with each other about what went wrong. In most cases, this will require involving a third party such as a counselor or minister. Infidelity in marriages doesn’t just happen out of the blue in some perfect relationship, so find out what the problems are that need to be fixed. The cheating spouse needs to take full responsibility for breaking the marriage vows, but both partners need to work together on relationship repair and moving forward. Hang in there with relationship counseling and keep the communication lines open.


2. The next step in infidelity surviving is to work on recreating the element of trust. This is the most difficult part. Having an affair is like saying aloud, “You absolutely cannot trust me.” There is no quick and easy way to come back from this, but patience and dedication to showing trustworthiness is the starting point. The cheating spouse needs to understand that this will take time, therefore he or she must accept that the distrust is 100% warranted for quite some time after an affair. As emotional healing takes place and the cheater shows proof of credibility, everything will change for the better.


3. The final solution to getting over infidelity in marriages is to recommit to each other. This means starting anew with a fresh start. In whatever ways you have taken each other for granted, make peace with it and wipe the slate clean. This won’t be easy at first, but it is definitely possible after following the first 2 steps. It’s important to realize that in order to save the marriage, you must let go of resentment and stop dwelling on the past. Treat each other better than you ever have, make more time for each other and keep the intimacy strong between you.


If two people love one another, anything is possible. You have every reason in the world to believe that this also applies to getting over infidelity and creating a marriage that’s stronger than ever after an affair.


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