If you have been on the dating scene for quite a long time and haven’t yet had success in cultivating a satisfying long-term relationship, it is very likely that you find different ways to justify it. You might tell yourself that:
* “It is all because of him/her”;
* You didn’t really want a committed relationship;
* “The time wasn’t ripe yet”;
* You’re too busy pursuing your career at the moment;
* You are a special person who needs someone special.
* And so on.
The problem is that you do yourself disservice with such justifications and explanations. Rather than admitting the true reason(s) for your failures, you prefer to find excuses. Doing so apparently “helps” you to feel “better” about yourself, but will keep you sabotaging your attempts at relationships since you will not embark on a way to change your attitudes and behaviors.
Not allowing yourself to admit the “truth” happens sometimes out of ignorance and lack of Self-Awareness. You believe in your own convictions and excuses; you don’t consider, even for a minute, that you might be using self-manipulations. When this is the case:
* You might be tell yourself you are a person who “loves people” who therefore “falls in love” very easily, “proving” to yourself that this is why you always have a partner.
But could it be that you are actually controlled by the fear of being alone which drives you to jump right into a new relationships the minute your old relationship fails?
* You may view yourself as a very friendly person who finds it easy to make friends and enter a relationship.
But could it be true that you are driven by insecurity and the need to feel you are desired?
* You may perceive yourself to be a person who has much love to bestow on your partner. But could it be that it is not “so much love” that drives you, but the need to be loved and appreciated?
* You may tell yourself you have a genuine, in-born willingness to give whatever you can to your partner.
But could it be that you are driven by neediness to receive and your giving is intended (unconsciously) to “get back” thanks and appreciation from your partner?
* You might perceive yourself as a person who is liberal and free, who view men and women as having same rights, one who doesn’t hesitate to go to bed on first date and start a relationship “the morning after”.
But is it possible that you are actually driven by low self-esteem and insecurity, afraid that if you won’t go to bed on first date you won’t hear from your date again?
As long as you don’t become aware of, realize and acknowledge your own self-manipulations, you will continue behaving in the dating scene and in relationships out of fears, needs and dependency, and won’t be able to develop a healthy and successful relationship.