Posts Tagged ‘Survive’

How To Survive A Breakup – Three Useful Tips

Certain incidents in life torment us for long. We will find it difficult to overcome the impact of these events quickly. Living through these experiences becomes a challenge. The main problem is to keep our emotions in control. If our emotions go out of control, we may exhibit irrational and sometimes destructive behavior. You can make use of the following three tips to survive a break up and emerge stronger out of it.

Keep yourself at a distance from your ex:

After a break up has happened, it is better to keep away from your ex. The more you see them, the more intense will be your feelings. Your immediate objective is to forget the bitter feelings associated with the break up and this will not be possible if you happen to see your ex quite often. Keeping away means not meeting them in person and not having any contact with them either directly or indirectly. I use the word indirectly because some people may be in touch with their ex through social networking sites. This can happen in the future but in the period immediately following the break up, a total absence of any form of contact will do a lot of good to your recovery from the emotional upset of the break up.

Dispose of objects that will remind you of your ex:

Since the objective is to keep away from anything that will remind you of your ex, one of the first things to be done is to be rid of the things that will remind you of your ex. These may be the gifts you received from your ex, or objects that you both might have used together. How you dispose them of is left to you. You may sell them off or throw them out or you can keep them away in some place so that you will not have a chance to look at them. The last option is preferable especially if the objects are valuable. You can also use them later, once you have come out of the emotional impact of the break up.

Shift the focus on to you:

Tell yourself that you are the most important person in your life. So, you need to be more considerate towards your own needs. Make yourself emotionally comfortable by first becoming physically comfortable. This means eating well and living a normal life. Do not neglect your appearance. You are not dressing to please someone but to maintain a good appearance. You will soon find yourself enjoying the little things of life and returning to your normal state of mind, overcoming the emotional agitation caused by the break up.

3 Steps on How to Survive an Affair

Saving a marriage after an affair or infidelity might seem impossible or even hopeless. You can restore trust and honesty back into your relationship even if your partner does not seem willing or even ready. You can work through the restoration and reconciliation process of your relationship after an affair and I will give you three easy steps on how to survive an affair and get your relationship back on track.

Step 1 – Personal Healing – You have to look at the reasons for why the affair or infidelity happened. Our first instincts are to be defensive and start laying blame or making excuses to the external factors. “Externalizing” is when the cause of the affair is blamed on the external reasons rather then inside ourselves. We look for possible reasons such as emotional issues that are happening TO us and not what we are going through within ourselves. This first step is all about you and looking inside yourself after an affair. Personal healing begins only when you can subjectively look at yourself and identify what is going on with YOU… not your partner. Be honest with yourself and analyze your own thoughts and emotions concerning the affair. Take your own perspectives from the inside and allow yourself to be brutally honest with yourself. This step is important in helping you take an honest look at the situation and what is going on with you. This helps with building the foundation for coping and overcoming your issues and feelings. This is the first step on how to survive an affair and mend your relationship back together with your partner. Step 2 – Heal Together - Once you have managed to complete the very difficult task of looking deep into yourself… this step is how to survive an affair once you move from personal healing… to healing as a couple. Look at how you and your partner work together and function in the relationship. This step is of vital importance because it forces the communication process that is going to be damaged and strained after an affair. If you can’t communicate, then you cannot expect to heal together. You have to begin communicating together in order to build the relationship back together into a more deeper, stronger, and more loving relationship. In many cases after an affair the relationship can possibly be stronger then even before. I know it sounds cliche, but the honest to God truth is that communication really IS the key! Step 3 – Negotiate A New Relationship - Knowing how to survive an affair consists of knowing how to rebuild a new relationship that is filled with trust. When you learn how to speak to one another again and open the communication lines so that you can both begin healing as a couple and move on to building this new stronger and healthier relationship, you will begin exposing yourself and becoming transparent so to speak. This means ultimately that your partner and you can negotiate a new relationship built on trust and forgiveness of the past. You must allocate time to be spent with each other and dedicate the long process and time that this step will involve.
These steps are for couples that truly wish to heal and reconcile their relationships. But for those that simply cannot move on past the devastation and pain an affair can cause, there is a little more help. You can find a resource on helping you build a stronger relationship with your partner even if you were the one that had the affair. In some cases, the one that has been devastated by the situation has chosen to throw in the towel and are simply not interested in trying to come terms with the affair, or even resolve the problem.

People who truly love, look forward to their “love” being returned and growing to a state of deep happiness. We crave to be loved and hope for our relationships to grow with meaningful deep passion. Love does not mean we are “blind” though or ignoring the problems within our relationships. It simply means that for those that are willing to look beyond the issues and problems that may arise in any relationship, we simply do not allow our problems to rob us of our happiness.

Most couples can find that they are capable of working through any issue and problem with enough love for their partner.

Survive Infidelity – How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make Which Prolong Mistrust And Misery

For a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. And with good reason. It is difficult to “move on” once you have been devastated by an affair.

If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process. After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so much the “sexual act” which is the most difficult to survive, but the deceit, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once the affair stops.

Here are 3 mistakes most women make which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them.

Mistake #1 – Visualizing The Details and Playing It Over And Over Again

The number one mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the “what, when, where and how they did things” is destructive to your sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage. To survive infidelity you must learn to take control of your mind and stop the negative visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but unnatural for you to torture yourself with “thoughts of them.”

Tips to help rid yourself of unwanted thoughts are

-Be aware of when negative thoughts are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern

-Become aware of what triggers your negative thoughts and images

-Make a conscious decision to stop yourself when these thoughts and images appear

-Stop telling yourself and others that you can’t stop thinking this way – because you can

-Realize you are in control of your thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to keep your mind occupied

-Make a written list of 10 things you are grateful for and pull it out and read it every time your negative thinking begins

Mistake #2 – Trying To Put The Marriage Back To “The Way It Was”

The number two mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to “the way it was.” For a couple to survive infidelity, both must realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated, misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.

Tips to help you create new ways of communicating are:

-Stop yourself from falling into the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair

-Accept the marriage will not be the same as it was prior to the infidelity

-Get professional counselling or find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating

-Learn to listen to your partner rather than jumping in with a response

Mistake #3 – Focusing on The Affair Rather Than The Marriage

The number three mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process. Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings would be arising. Therefore, once you have both made the decision to survive the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the marriage is destructive and futile.

Tips to help you focus on your marriage again are:

-Every day make a list of things he did right

-Ask yourself why did you fall in love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same qualities

-Take time away from the everyday routine to spend quality time together

-Find new activities and things you are both interested in doing together

-Designate specific times to discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marriage stronger

Ultimately, your husband carries a large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery. It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your relationship. Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage, there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving infidelity.

Survive Infidelity – How Can We Get Past This And Keep Our Marriage Together?

To survive infidelity can be one of the darkest periods in your life. Being betrayed, hurt and humiliated by the one person you thought you could trust is life shattering.

Although affairs are certainly not uncommon within marriages, more and more couples are willing to survive the infidelity and ask “How can we get past this and keep our marriage together?”

The largest obstacle to get past is the emotional trauma and the shattered trust. It’s important to know, no matter how devastating and dark the relationship might seem now, it is possible to heal, strengthen and survive a marriage wounded by infidelity.

There is certainly no easy quick-fix. The power to save your marriage from divorce lies within you and your spouse. You both must be willing to take your time, be patient with each other and start rebuilding the trust and communication in a new “different” way. Trying to get back to “the way things were” is not the best solution seeing as something was flawed or missing for the infidelity to have happened in the first place.

Couples from all walks of life, income levels and circumstances have saved their marriage from the brink of an affair disaster. To survive infidelity, both couples must be sincere, committed and willing to work through the healing process. And it is a process.

If there are still feelings between you and your spouse, commit to working on saving your relationship by any means possible. Some couples can manage to rebuild and repair on their own but often outside assistance can be helpful. Experienced marriage counsellors offer advice, insight and exercises which can be beneficial. If a marriage counsellor is not an option due to funding, there are plenty of online support products or wonderful books from your local book store or library. These recourses can aid you and your spouse and offer step by step techniques to help you both rebuild your marriage.

An infidelity does not have to mean the end of your marriage. It can be one of the most difficult challenges you and your spouse will ever deal with, but countless couples who have been on the brink of divorce or separation have successfully rebuilt their marriage. And if others have been successful, you can too!